I don’t know what to say when people ask when it’s due. Do I say 5 weeks? Do I say it could be anytime after next week? The problem is that it’s not up to me, not much is at the moment. Someone else tells me when to eat, sleep, drink and wee. I am not steering myself anymore. This is a very tricky one for a control freak like myself, I used to like a nice planned ordered life, I used to like to know what was going to happen and when. Whatever, it can’t come yet ‘cos I am just not ready, there is far too much to do. I have been washing baby clothes and they are looking tiny and sinister on the line as I type. I might as well dye them all grey now and get it over with, as I have never got the hang of keeping anything white for long. The house is still a mess no matter how much I clean it and I have to make a cat net for the moses basket.
I saw the doctor for this weeks ante natal appointment. I bounced in, full of how horribly healthy I am and how strange it was to see a doctor when I am not ill, only to be told my blood pressure is high, damn. It’s not dangerously high, just high for me, but the midwives went on full alert and came round to my house 2 days later (on a Sunday) to measure me again. It has dropped but not much, probably because I am now stressed out about pre-eclampsia, hospitals and not having a home birth,
whereas previously I was just plain stressed out about ordinary things like dying pets. I am not coping with stress at all well, I am more of an over-emotional mess. I have been sleeping lots, doing breathing exercises and taking long baths to try and sort it out. The very good news is that the foetus is engaged, head down and not posterior! The doctor said it was not going to turn breech at this stage but there was a very slim chance that it could go posterior.
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