I now have just two pairs of trousers that fit me and one pair only fits under the bump, leaving a sack of spare fabric between my legs that reminds me of being forced to wear tights that didn’t fit as a child. It is time to go shopping. ‘The Ultimate Personal Pregnancy Planner’ from the Huggies Club (free with some crappy magazine) suggests 8 key pieces, including an ankle length bias cut dress, a pretty cardigan and a pair of mules. Just the thing for defrosting the freezer, planting potatoes and scrubbing cats wee off the hallway carpet. Aren’t mules things that carry old men up Spanish mountains? How could I get them through the cat flap and what would the neighbours say? My lifestyle is possibly not that of a Huggies Club mum to be.
Before the bump I used to be a big fan of H&M so this week I went to the ‘mama’ department. It’s very good for cheap and long t-shirts and they seem to always have a sale on. They also have a secret stash of maternity/nursing bras that aren’t too bad, especially for 8 quid. I looked in Dorothy Perkins but it was all a bit office wear and Mothercare was just too grim to contemplate, I am 35 years old and I do not want teddy bears on my clothes. My hot tip for very cheap pregnancy clothes that really are practical is Primark size 18 to 20. In my social circle we pronounce it ‘pree marche ey’ to make it sound posh and exclusive. Large stretchy trousers cost £8 or thereabouts. I know I will hate them after wearing them constantly for the next 3 months and beyond so I resent spending anything over that. I am not letting myself look at the other end of the market in case an ankle length bias cut dress seduces me. It is bizarre buying clothes now as I no longer care how fat I look, I just want something comfy with a bit of stretch in it, without teddies please.
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