Article title: I formula-fed. SO WHAT?
Sub heading: You can keep your soggy breast pads, says Kathryn Blundell. Giving your baby formula milk is nothing to be ashamed of.
‘It’s right up there with a drug-free birth as the rite of passage that proves you’re all woman and a good mother. Breastfeeding: the most natural thing in the world. But what if, like me, you really don’t fancy it?
For some formula feeders, ‘not really fancying it’ translates into ‘concealing the fact that I’m using a bottle’. So visits from health visitors are pre-empted by the scrabble to hide the sterliser under the sink. ‘What, oh that bottle. I’ve been expressing so Dave can give feeds.’ Hmm.
But why the shame? Sure, breastmilk has the edge over infant formula – it’s free, it doesn’t need heating up and you can whip up a feed in the middle of the night without having to get out of bed.
Then there are studies that show it reduces the risk of breast cancer for you, and stomach upsets and allergies for your baby. But even the convenience and supposed health benefits of breastmilk couldn’t induce me to stick my nipple into a bawling baby’s mouth.
HANDS OFF
After nine months of denial, lardiness and bad shoes, as soon as the birth was out of the way I want my body back. (And some wine). Not that I had anything particularly useful to do with my body, except – paradoxically – care for my baby. I also wanted to give my boobs at least a chance to stay on my chest rather than dangling around on my stomach, which, after two pregnancies, still has ‘tonal’ issues of its own.
They’re part of my sexuality, too – not just breasts, but fun bags.
And when you have that attitude (and I admit I made no attempt to change it), seeing your teeny, tiny, innocent baby latching on where only a lover has been before feels, well, a little creepy.
FORMULA WON
I don’t think I’m the only one, either – only 52% of mums still breastfeed after six weeks. Ask most of the quitters why they stopped and you’ll hear tales of agonising three-hour feeding sessions and – the drama! – bloody nipples. But I often wonder whether many of these women, like me, just couldn’t be fagged or felt like getting tipsy once in awhile. My reasons for not breastfeeding might not be in the league of ‘my boobs are falling off’, but they make sense to me and I hope some women can be reassured by my honesty.
I wasn’t always so confident about being an out-and-proud formula fan.
I recall one sunny afternoon when, happily feeding my baby in the park, ducks quacking in the distance, a passing stranger – also a mum – asked me whether I was breastfeeding. Reeling from the impertinence of such a personal question (and anyway, wasn’t the bottle in my hand a give away/) I hesitated to answer. Say ‘yes’ and I’d be a liar. Say ‘no’ and, from the pursing of her lips and arch of her brow, it was clear I’d be marked as a weak, selfish mum, straight from the Vicky Pollard school of parenting. The clock was ticking. Liar? Bad mum? I plumped for bad mum. ‘You do know your baby will get sick if you give him that poison,’ she said, flouncing off. Thanks, sister. Great advice.
THE WHITE STUFF
So, time for a reality check. Formula milk is not toxic, lacking in nutrients or in any way bad for a baby’s health when prepared properly – and we can all read the back of a packet for instructions. No, it’s not A-grade, but neither is it powdered scum that will turn my baby into an anaemic ball of flab with a life expectancy of three. Nor is the fact my baby suckles on silicone rather than skin going to give him a mental illness or mean we don’t bond. That’s just ridiculous.
The Milk Mafia can keep their guilt trips. Bullying other mums about something as special and nurturing as feeding their babies (and yes, bottle feeding can be lovely and intimate) is a depth that even Vicky Pollard wouldn’t sink to. So, let’s hear it, ladies, for modern nutritional science, but most of all for our freedom of choice.
Thank you to Enola for typing it all out. A campaign page to ask Mother and Baby to support breastfeeding is at http://www.facebook.com/enola.stevenson#!/pages/Mother-and-Baby-Magazine-please-support-breastfeeding/126495294055317?ref=ts
Mummy Milk Rocks – Shopping Bag 
Care Instructions – Shopping Bag 
“Any old Cow” Short Sleeved T 3-6 months 
“Any old Cow” Short Sleeved T 6-12 months 
Any Old Cow – Shopping Bag 
Thanks for reprinting this article. Keep spreading the data, ladies! We men want kids to grow up healthy and smart too.
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It sounds like what is important to her is more important than the benefit of the child.
Being a mom means you always put your children first…not sagging breasts, wanting to get drunk or because you feel creepy.
More evidence of the “me” generation..
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Sheesh people, enough with the crucifying already! This momma was very honest, that takes courage. I long for the day when mothers support each other and each momma feels stronger because of the legion of other momma’s that have her back. Wouldn’t that feel so much nicer than lurking like vultures waiting for fresh meat to attack? Because honestly it seems like that’s what happening when we can’t offer basic respect and courtesy to someone who’s opinions are different than our own.
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I couldn’t agree with you more! It is our body, our decision, and nobody else’s business. I personally hated breast feeding and would never do it again.
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I agree with this writer. I am sorry I don’t wanna stick my boob in my childs mouth it’s kind of like some guy stickin his private parts in yours. It is a choice to breat feed or bottle feed and no one accuses you of beeing a bad mom because you breastfeed so shut up. I’ve been harrased by many of people who breastfeed and my kid has not been to the hospital half as many times as thiers has and I was bottle fed I turned out fine. I don’t want my kid to grow up knowing she sucked on her moms boob but that’s my opinion and my kid is healthy an eats only formula so shove it.
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and what about women who can’t breast feed are they bad moms? They would not seel fornula if it was not safe. When you walk into a wic office and they tell you you can’t bottle feed it’s a breast feeding only building ummmmm yadoubt it it’s a womens choice
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Thanks to everyone who published citations regarding the tremendous disadvantages of formula compared to breastfeeding.
All that aside, this mother seems to think her choices should be based upon her own preferences, rather than her baby’s needs. When you have a baby, it’s not about you anymore. When we have children, we must suck it up and make some sacrifices, and while our babies are small, the required sacrifices are huge. But it’s just for a short time. This writer’s selfishness is nauseating.
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I commented on the “junk food” artcicle and I will say the same here.
How about we all just start supporting each other? Being a mother is the most challenging, difficult job anyone could EVER ask for. We are all striving to bring our children up to be successful and honorable adults. There HAS to be more than one way to do that.
So stop judging other people, just worry about yourself, and your own kids.
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babies have lived and been healthy babies for many of years. babies DO NOT need breast milk to be healthy
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As long as they are presented with the facts and and come to informed decision, people should not have to justify their choices and certainly should not be made to feel guilty about them.
No wonder there is so much depression if people are getting slated for expressing themselves, you can see why they hold it all in.
As new mums we should be supporting and listening to each other, giving advice when asked without forcing opinions.
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nice article, yes breast milk has amazing benefits and the longer you can do it the better. But I only breastfed my twins till my milk ran out at five months for the health benefits for them, I didn’t particularly enjoy it and found other ways to bond better, my breasts (as small as they are) are a part of my sexual identity also and having a baby hanging off them does feel a little odd. Breast-feeding nazi’s and overly criticle mothers need to get a life…. probably need something else too which once their babies get off their boobs they might be able too
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I disagree with the author about using formula but some of you knuckleheads are taking this way too seriously and don’t recognize humor when you see it. Heaven forbid any some of you should be exposed to Swift or Voltaire. Probably think A Modest Proposal is a cookbook.
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Though I, too, had crazy days where I felt like a cow, AND think those lactation women were like Nazis, it was the most rewarding thing I ever did and I still lament its end. But all that is beside the point. This lady works for a parenting magazine as an editor. The WHO’s stance is breastfeeding until 6 months and better if it is 2 years. Science… See More… See More says it is best. Though we and she (and the mag) can support another view, it should NOT come in such an extreme form FROM the magazine, regardless if it is her personal opinion. Her rant sounded very juvenile, backward, and exactly what women the world over are trying to crush…that women’s breasts are “fun-bags”. Breasts are glands to feed babies. They also happen to be sexual. Even if it a chicken or the egg argument, her argument is a symptom of a society that allows porn, strippers, red-light districts, etc., but scoffs at and poo-poos public breastfeeding. I would have fired her solely because of the magazine she represents, not because of her dissenting ideas.
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i agree with what natasha says, i would like to add tho that not only do formular fead mums get bashed for their choice breastfeeding mums do too, i have breastfead my 2 youngest children and i got slated for it loads, infact only the other week a mum verbaly attacked me (seriosly i thought she was going to hit me she was so agressive) for breastfeeding in public!! i also had someone follow me about the shops when my daughter was a baby becasue i was breastfeeding her and this woman wanted to tell me how discusting it is!! oh yes and i had a bus driver stop his bus so he could sit there and stare at me while feeding my youngest!! but these situations didn’t put me off HOWEVER it could a new mum, aricles like this put mothers off breastfeeding infact sociaty but mothers off breastfeeding, if we all were given the facts, pro’s and con’s about bottle feeding and breastfeeding while we are pregnant then we could come to our own choices and not be slated for it, if sociaty stoped seeing breastfeeding as sick and bottle feeding as bad and we all banded together to support eachother we’d have better sociaty but untill that happens and articles like this stop then sociaty isn’t going to change and this bottle feeding and breastfeeding ‘mafia’ will continue.
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I could write an elaborate in here, but let me do some bullet points instead:
1. Everyone is talking about advantages of breastfeeding none so far did say a word about disadvantages. Bravo to the author!
2. Yes, some of us have and would like to continue having fun time in life. Kids should be a natural step in your life not a life-ending event, otherwise it harms both sides- what is a use of miserable mother who is depressed because she feels that she is letting her baby down by not being able to breastfeed-whatever the reason-mental or physical? Will she make her baby happy?
3. Yes, there is huge propaganda for breastfeeding done mainly by successful breastfeeding Mums (congrats and respect) who could not comprehend that some women can not take it and formula is the solution. I personally hated all the “good advices” I have been constantly given and all the inquisition…I also had an impression that there is some male lobby working in the business (probably WHO), making sure that poor guys do not have to move a finger with feeding….well they have no boobs!
4. I feed my baby for 3 months with my breast milk.
I hate breastfeeding. My baby hates being breastfeed.
I hate the feeling of let down. My baby hates the fact that milk just do not come out, she wants quick fix.
I could not take the pain. My baby could not take the waiting.
45 mins sessions every 2h, was not an option for any of us.
I would like to know how much baby eaten- with breast- no facility like that.
I have big breast(now huge- H cup) and once trying to breastfeed I always had impression that baby will suffocate…that really was not helping any of us.
5. I also find question do I breastfeed a bit inappropriate. I do not go and ask people: “How was your toilet experience this morning? Solid or not?”
Other annoying thing is, when you are trying to explain why you do not do it anymore and people with no experience are telling me that I am wrong!
I went for a compromise. It’s 21 century- there are really good breast pumps- got the double one. I expressed milk for 3 months and bottle-fed my baby with it. Any surplus was frozen and if I wanted to go out- milk was there. Then we moved to formula and my baby and I are very happy…just about to wean…
Ladies in doubt- if you do not enjoy it- do not do breastfeed, use a substitute…but by all means…try breastfeeding first!
Successful breastfeeding mums- please understand that not everyone can take it. Instead of attacking, please try to understand and respect situation you are not in.
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I want to nominate http://www.iwantmymum.com and analytical armadillo blogspot.com
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Danielle: There is not a WIC office that discriminates and says you cannot Bottle-feed your baby in our office! Yes you can breastfeed but some babies on oxygen (who are often still breastfeeding in our office) need to be bottlefed or are preemies just discharged and not nursing so thats an incorrect statement you made.
While I could definitely been seen as a BF Nazi (poor choice of words I know) in my circles I certainly am at a point where I respect a moms decision to nurse or not nurse.
But this article I hope is a JOKE someone is playing on us….This is very selfish (even in my office many moms don’t think its gross, they think its hard and are put off from it)….The writer of this article seems very immature, but maybe she is voicing the opinion of many….but if you think BF is gross, you are a victim of this backwards society who compares breastfeeding to some form of oral sex which is absolutely SICK….and therein lies the problem….many adults today are upset that they were not breastfed for the wrong reasons, and if my mom told me she didn’t do it because her boobs are funbags for her man rather than food for her child then I’d be upset with my parents too! What some silly people don’t realize is that there is a time and a place and when you have a child its Child 1st, then you, then your man….If you have a man who doesn’t understand that then I can’t call him a MAN!
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It’s true that breastfeeding mommies get just as much backlash as formula feeding mommies. I had to listen to friends and family going on about how it will hurt and it is indecent and there is no way of knowing if my milk has nutrients and my baby wil starve to death and so on and so forth. The only times I got a pat on the back for breastfeeding was in the WIC office and at my synagogue. Nobody is immune to getting a full commentary on their parenting decisions.
The difference is that science, the WHO, the AAP all say that breastfeeding is the best choice. And this writer refused to even give breastfeeding a chance because she wanted to remain a sexual object that can go out and have some drinks now and again. I wasn’t prepared when I read the BFP on the pee stick, but I knew it was time to step it up and make changes. The first few weeks of breastfeeding were tough, we still hit rough spots now and again. But, that little girl is my world and I would give her the oxygen from my lungs if it would help her.
Danielle, your response absolutely disgusts me. The writer here was selfish and unquestionably wrong in many of her statements. But, you? Your statement is just perverse. I can’t imagine what type of childhood would lead someone to compare oral sex and breastfeeding. If you passed basic human biology in school, you would know that there is no comparison. There have been babies living off of formula for quite some time. There have also been many babies that have died because of formula (look into Nestle’s history). And have you ever thought about what babies ate bedore the invention of formula? They didn’t just die from starvation. Babies have been breastfed since the beginning of time for a reason and hopefully women like you and this writer can be kept in the minority.
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[...] Kathryn Blundell can say what she likes about breastfeeding; studies have shown that whether or not a mum chooses to breastfeed her baby makes no difference to the perkiness of her breasts. In fact, it’s pregnancy that takes its toll on our ‘fun bags’, as she likes to call them – fluctuations in size and hormone levels cause changes that can reduce the elasticity of the skin and make our once pert puppies lose some of their, well…bite. [...]
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I came across this article and its responses looking for information for my 27-year-old daughter. My daughter is taking life-saving medication that will prevent her from breastfeeding because the drugs cross the milk. All those years ago when she was born, I nursed my baby and she did not entirely wean until she was nearly out of her toddler years. I made my own baby food, we had a family bed, etc. Despite that, she was not always a robust, healthy child. I don’t care what you do, nothing will guarantee that every birthing experience or parenting experience will turn out just the way it is “supposed” to. While my daughter may not be able to breastfeed, I would like to know that she can still have a positive nursing experience and that she can expect the support of other mothers who are also faced with making their own journey through nuturing a little one. Intimacy with your baby is not solely obtained through breastfeeding; nor should breastfeeding be equated with loving that child more than a mother who does not breastfeed. No child will ever be more loved or wanted than the one whom my daughter will give birth to and mother. I can promise you that this child will lack for nothing. It saddens me to think that after all these years women are not more supportive of each other. It is so important that we share our strengths,remember that nuturing little ones into adulthood can be difficult in the best of circumstances and know that we must be able to lean upon each other for support and advice. I don’t want anyone to make my daughter or any woman feel inadequate at a time when she is most vulnerable, especially when she is making the right choice for her situation. To breastfeed or not to breastfeed as a matter of convenience as suggested by the author is ridiculous, I’ll grant you, but to suggest that all women who bottlefeed do not put their children’s best interest at heart is just as ludicrous.
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