Article title: I formula-fed. SO WHAT?
Sub heading: You can keep your soggy breast pads, says Kathryn Blundell. Giving your baby formula milk is nothing to be ashamed of.
‘It’s right up there with a drug-free birth as the rite of passage that proves you’re all woman and a good mother. Breastfeeding: the most natural thing in the world. But what if, like me, you really don’t fancy it?
For some formula feeders, ‘not really fancying it’ translates into ‘concealing the fact that I’m using a bottle’. So visits from health visitors are pre-empted by the scrabble to hide the sterliser under the sink. ‘What, oh that bottle. I’ve been expressing so Dave can give feeds.’ Hmm.
But why the shame? Sure, breastmilk has the edge over infant formula – it’s free, it doesn’t need heating up and you can whip up a feed in the middle of the night without having to get out of bed.
Then there are studies that show it reduces the risk of breast cancer for you, and stomach upsets and allergies for your baby. But even the convenience and supposed health benefits of breastmilk couldn’t induce me to stick my nipple into a bawling baby’s mouth.
HANDS OFF
After nine months of denial, lardiness and bad shoes, as soon as the birth was out of the way I want my body back. (And some wine). Not that I had anything particularly useful to do with my body, except – paradoxically – care for my baby. I also wanted to give my boobs at least a chance to stay on my chest rather than dangling around on my stomach, which, after two pregnancies, still has ‘tonal’ issues of its own.
They’re part of my sexuality, too – not just breasts, but fun bags.
And when you have that attitude (and I admit I made no attempt to change it), seeing your teeny, tiny, innocent baby latching on where only a lover has been before feels, well, a little creepy.
FORMULA WON
I don’t think I’m the only one, either – only 52% of mums still breastfeed after six weeks. Ask most of the quitters why they stopped and you’ll hear tales of agonising three-hour feeding sessions and – the drama! – bloody nipples. But I often wonder whether many of these women, like me, just couldn’t be fagged or felt like getting tipsy once in awhile. My reasons for not breastfeeding might not be in the league of ‘my boobs are falling off’, but they make sense to me and I hope some women can be reassured by my honesty.
I wasn’t always so confident about being an out-and-proud formula fan.
I recall one sunny afternoon when, happily feeding my baby in the park, ducks quacking in the distance, a passing stranger – also a mum – asked me whether I was breastfeeding. Reeling from the impertinence of such a personal question (and anyway, wasn’t the bottle in my hand a give away/) I hesitated to answer. Say ‘yes’ and I’d be a liar. Say ‘no’ and, from the pursing of her lips and arch of her brow, it was clear I’d be marked as a weak, selfish mum, straight from the Vicky Pollard school of parenting. The clock was ticking. Liar? Bad mum? I plumped for bad mum. ‘You do know your baby will get sick if you give him that poison,’ she said, flouncing off. Thanks, sister. Great advice.
THE WHITE STUFF
So, time for a reality check. Formula milk is not toxic, lacking in nutrients or in any way bad for a baby’s health when prepared properly – and we can all read the back of a packet for instructions. No, it’s not A-grade, but neither is it powdered scum that will turn my baby into an anaemic ball of flab with a life expectancy of three. Nor is the fact my baby suckles on silicone rather than skin going to give him a mental illness or mean we don’t bond. That’s just ridiculous.
The Milk Mafia can keep their guilt trips. Bullying other mums about something as special and nurturing as feeding their babies (and yes, bottle feeding can be lovely and intimate) is a depth that even Vicky Pollard wouldn’t sink to. So, let’s hear it, ladies, for modern nutritional science, but most of all for our freedom of choice.
Thank you to Enola for typing it all out. A campaign page to ask Mother and Baby to support breastfeeding is at http://www.facebook.com/enola.stevenson#!/pages/Mother-and-Baby-Magazine-please-support-breastfeeding/126495294055317?ref=ts
‘When we have children, we must suck it up and make some sacrifices, and while our babies are small, the required sacrifices are huge. But it’s just for a short time. This writer’s selfishness is nauseating.’
I won’t say I am self for choosing to formula feed. The fact that post delivery, I was very unwell which meant my daughter lost over 13% of her body weight initially as I was struggling to feed her. Due to my health and then the effects it was having on my daughter, I decided not to breast feed. The person advantages of formula feed can be seen as selfish (i.e. wearing underwired bras, drinking alcohol, having a night out with your partner as grandparents look after the little one). However there are personal selfish reasons for breast feeding i.e. losing the baby weight quicker, financially saving on not forking out on bottles and feed). The advantages of formula feed for the baby is closer bonding with father, having a little less sleep deprived mother and parents who have had couple time since birth and are not unhappy or stressed. I agree with the author, it is a life style choice and one I am happy about.
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I am a Student Midwife and I am appalled at this article. I am all for the womans choice as it is her baby after all but the way she talked about women who CHOOSE to breastfeed their child is just wrong. I appreciate that she chose to formula feed and admire her for not feeling guilty about this choice but she wants us to accept her choice when she doesn’t accept the choice that other have made (a prime example is the fact she referred to breastfeeding as ‘creepy’) That quite hypocritical.
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What a brilliant article. I was subjected to the constant bullying of how breast is best from being 10 weeks pregnant with my first child. At all the classes I attended (NCT and NHS) my husband and I asked the question how do you bottle feed? Only to be told I must not as it would cause no end of problems for me and my baby. More sick, reflux, stomach bugs, the list was endless. So after a traumatic 22 hour labour and assisted delivery I tried to breast feed. The midwives in hospital told me my boobs were too big (size DD – E). After coming home I had several visits from midwives and breast feeding helpers to be told it was all fine. Fine?!? I had blood pouring from my nipples and wanted to die every time my baby needed a feed! At my 5 day check up at the hospital the paediatrician had to be called in over a bank holiday weekend to see my baby as she had lost a dangerous amount of weight. I was feeding around about every 2 hours for half and hour on each breast. This apparently was not enough and the solution was to feed for longer. So already exhausted this added to the pressure. Still thinking I would be the worst mother in the world if I dared to give my baby any formular. When my baby was 7 days old and after being told off by yet another midwife for daring to eat strawberries and grapes and drinking a glass of Ribena (apparently makes the milk taste funny) a very kind midwife came to visit and weigh my vey skinny baby. When the baby screamed for a feed I broke down, I couldn’t do it and finally some realistic help. She opened a carton of formular and gave it to my baby with a cup as not to interfere with the breast feeding. I carried on struggling, crying and wanting it all to be over for a further 2 weeks until my daughter was 3 weeks old, still using a cup. At exactly 3 weeks old ( I had been told I mustn’t do it before) I gave my baby a bottle. What a wonderful experience it was. She guzzled it down as if she had never eaten in her life and then had the best 3 hours sleep in her life and I finally rested. After a further 2 weeks of still trying with breast feeding and giving up after an hour to feed her a bottle I decided enough was enough and stopped altogether. I look back on the day when my daughter was 3 weeks old and had her first bottle as the day that saved me. Had I continued to go on the way I was I would have ended up taking a lot of pills and never waking up. For the first 3 weeks of her life I wished I had never had a baby. She is now 3 years old and a happy healthy confident toddler. Of the NHS and NCT antenatal classes, around 15 babies all in all she is by far the healthiest with only 2 ear infections and 2 stomach bugs plus the odd runny nose in her list of illnesses. We have done swimming classes every week since she was 12 weeks old, toddler groups 2-3 times a week, soft play and she also did a year in nursery while I went back to work. Despite being in the germ breeding grounds she remains healthy. She slept through the night at 6 weeks old and I felt human. I was able to actually do things with my daughter and spend time playing with her rather than just sitting with my boob in her mouth as most of my friends did for the first year. We have an amazing bond and most of all she is happy and well. Most of my friends now have 2nd children and I have watched them go through the struggle of bleeding nipples, mastitis and feeding every 2 hours for the 2nd time. I am now 28 weeks pregnant again and this time round I have no intention of giving in to the breast feeding bullies. All the women that say ‘ try again, 2nd time will be different’ I just say No, I don’t want to. If you can do it and it doesn’t hurt great but if you can’t or don’t want to then that’s great. There are many benefits to bottle feeding as there are negatives to breast feeding it’s just that no one will talk about them. For some women bottle feeding is best.
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What Kathryn put in her article is her choice and her opinion. I had a young midwife who was amazing and appreciated my decision. the older one however, make women who choose to bottle feed feel guilty. I bottle fed my son, he is a healthly boy and brighter than your average baby -this has been verified. What people should be more concerned about is pregnant women smoking and drinking throughout pregnancy – now that is selfish! Deciding to bottle fed my child was my decision. if anything i was being less selfish by letting my partner have a special bond with my son aswell as me. just because i didnt endure the potential pain of breast feeding doesnt mean i love my son any less.
I would never look down on any woman who breast feeds in public – so i expect the same in return.
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I completely agree with both Clare and Tia.I have a 8 year old daugther and I too felt bullied and constantly asked are you going to breastfeed?(and why do you need to know?so you can judge me!!!)its nobodys business and down to personal preference.I wanted my little girl to bond with her daddy as well as me and to be perfectly honest i didnt want to be left with saggy breasts in my early 20s.that may sound selfish however i proudly show off my “mummy tummy” which is covered in stretch marks.I have an amazing bond with my little girl she is my world!however my friend who did breastfeed now hates her breasts after breastfeeding,doesnt regret doing it however is now considering a boob job as she gets so down about it.im happy i kept my boobs just for me and i dont think that it is selfish,i had heard horror stories of bleeding nipples,cracked,agonising pain,i just wanted to enjoy my baby.my daugther is not any worse off from being formula fed.she is healthly and everybody says one of the happiest,content little girls they have ever seen and smiles constantly, and as for all the tests that prove breastfeed children are smarter than formula feed babies,i think this statement is unfair!i cant speak for everone but my daughter is top of her class with writing,reading and maths were as another child i know who was breastfeed is struggling,so id like to see the results for these tests and who it was that carried them out.i dont have a problem with anybody who decides breatfeeding is for them thats great.i just dont think that mums who decide its not for them should be made to feel guilty for that decision.doesnt mean we love our babies any less.so hats off to this article,and having the courage to come out and say it.i’ll join you I’m a formula fan and proud of it!!
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I agree with “K” in that her decision to bottle feed and be confident and proud of her decision is completely her choice and her attitude is admirable. However, her irresponsible way of referring to and discussing breastfeeding and breastfeeding mothers is appalling and while her candidness is to be applauded, it is an alienating report towards breastfeeding mothers. My husband does not feel like he missed out on any bonding during the six and a half months I breastfed my daughter as he gave her bottles of expressed milk at night to allow me to sleep and cuddled and played with his daughter between feeds, allowing them to bond and me to get dressed, tidy up or simply sit down and have a cup of tea. Breastfeeding does not automatically mean that the fathers are unable to bond with their babies and journalists should really be careful in the way they word their own feelings so as not to portray an inaccurate view of things. Very irresponsible.
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Whatever her reasons for not breastfeeding, the article was still written in a manner that could potentially deter mothers from even attempting to breastfeed. Bearing in mind her position within a prominent baby magazine, it was massively irresponsible, especially the mis-truths she published about breastfeeding.
I was one of the mothers who deeply considered my child when making parenting choices. I researched feeding methods, and I hate to break it to the formula feeders, but formula is in no way comparable to breastmilk. Scientific research backs it up. I struggled for 6 months to give my baby the best food. I dealt with cracked bleeding nipples, a bad latch, tongue tie, lip tie, thrush, plugged ducts, and I don’t even like the way it feels, but at 8 months I’m still feeding him. Can anyone understand why I would be offended by someone deciding not to breastfeed for such selfish reasons?
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What a fantastic article! Why shouldn’t she be free to express her opinions as she wishes. Although the article was biased towards bottle feeding, isn’t all journalism biased towards the editors view nowadays? I also think the creepy remark has been taken out of context, she did not generalise breast feeding as creepy, she simply said that seeing HER ‘fun bags’ being latched onto was not her cup of tea! Good on you.
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I have my first son who is almost 3 weeks old. He was born at almost 10 pounds and was starving since the second he left the womb. I attempted to breastfeed, but he was never satisfied. I felt like a terrible, selfish person giving him his first bottle, but once I saw him satisfied and full, I have not turned back. I never was able to produce enough milk on my own to feed him and never made more than an ounce from each breast when pumping…this is just not enough for my big guy. I still pump what I do produce so that he gets the benifits that I can provide, but I refuse to spend the first year of my son’s life with him attached to my chest and starving just so I don’t feel guilty about a bottle. I cried over this at first and had negative feelings toward my mother (who is one of my favorite people on the planet) because she continually brought up how the bottles were filled with formula instead of breastmilk. I don’t want to feel this way and I was amazed at how few articles there are supporting the logical decision to suppliment with formula for some women. I feel like breast feeding was all I thought about when I was trying to do this exclusively, and I missed out on the first few days of my son’s life, and could have headed down the postpartum depression path if I had continued to beat myself up for my inability to produce enough milk for my baby. If you can breastfeed, enjoy it and bank the money you save on formula, but please be supportive of formula feeding mothers as well because odds are they have beat themselves up enough about the move to formula without your input.
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People can say what they want about her attitude toward breastfeeding. Guess what? Her remarks towards breastfeeding are NOTHING compared to what breastfeeding mothers have said about formula feeders, so for anyone upset about her attitude, please get over it. If the breastfeeding community can dish it out, they should be able to take it. As for me, I tried. I gave it my best shot, not that it’s anyone else’s business, which certain people don’t understand. They ask if I’m breastfeeding, and when I say “no,” they ask “WHY?” Like the use of MY BREASTS are ANY business of theirs? The whole reason behind my use of formula, btw, is highly traumatic and personal, and I resent the way I have been grilled for information. Unless you’re my doctor or husband, it’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Certain people in my family went even more holier than thou when they found out I wasn’t breastfeeding, and I was shamed for it. Articles like this make me feel better.
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I agree with whoever said you are selfish. the only reason you have breasts is to breastfeed your child! if you decided to have kids you had to know that it comes with compromising your comfort (and wine). i dont understand how can a women have any feelings to her baby if she never nursed him. in my opinion baby formula should be prescribed by doctors to women who cannot nurse their children for health reasons. and women like you who don’t want to nurse because they are selfish shouldn’t have kids at all! just fui – i was nursed for 2 years and my sister for 3 years! my baby is 6 mo old and im pregnant and nursing and have no plans to stop! nursing my baby is the best thing i ever experienced. and i pity you because there’s an aspect of motherhood you will never experience. but i don’t blame you its the society that we live in that brain washes women to be who they are not intended to be (a beautiful picture in a magazine and nothing but that) no wonder you feel guilty. you should!!
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I firmly believe that sometimes you just have to protect your sanity so you can be the best parent you can be. There are times when you are just so stressed that it makes sense to just give a bottle. I imagine Clare loved life after realizing that you can give a bottle. So for the comment where the mom chooses not to breastfeed because it makes your boobs saggy… ummm… pregnancy starts the process and there’s such a thing called gravity!! It happens!! You never know someone’s personal story and I never ask if someone is breastfeeding if I don’t know them. What they do is their business.
That being said, I exclusively breastfed my baby for 2.5 years and I would not trade it for the the world. I was one of those pregnant moms who thought, oh i’ll just breastfeed for a bit then switch to formula. We got off to a rough start, then everything just clicked for us one day and I was reluctant to stop. But let me just say that I never felt like I was tied down or had 3 hour feeding sessions. Keep in mind that I don’t think that formula is evil, I think it’s there for moms who tried but couldn’t for one reason or another. There are moms who also have had double masectomies and just pysically CANNOT do it. Why should she have to defend herself then?
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I’m 26 weeks pregnant. If I can breastfeed I will. If I can’t I won’t.
My Mum had a horrible time with breastfeeding, she basically was told to stop or she wouldn’t have any nipples left. My Gran tried with her first but her milk wasn’t nutritious enough and her baby started losing weight. For her next two pregnancies they were straight on the bottle the moment they were out and she has never regretted it. Her babies were healthy and that’s all she cared about.
My Mum gave me this little gem: “You are the mum, you chose what you are going to do and don’t let others stop you.”
I don’t think anyone has any right to look down their noses at people who breastfeed or don’t breastfeed. You don’t know their situation, so don’t butt in.
“Opinions are like arseholes, everyone’s got one.”
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