Lactivist’s Funny Breastfeeding Stories

In the middle of a wet and miserable January I asked Lactivists on the Facebook Page to send in cheering stories – this is what we got, a load of lovely tales that made me laugh out loud:

When my daughter was about 3 months old my sister and I had a coffee in Debenhams. I’d just fed my daughter and She was asleep on me, all content and happy. We were chatting away when I said “oh, it’s a little chilly in here” my sister in response nearly spat out has coffee because she’d noticed I hadn’t put myself away and I’d been like that for at least 10 minutes. We were both really laughing about it for ages after.

We had a tub of ice cream at the weekend and it had clearly been poured in both sides in a circular movement and the lid had excess icecream on it that resembled 2 breasts, my DH showed it to my DD 3yo and she pointed to one said ‘i want that side’

I was sat feeding my 10wk old waiting for my flight to australia to take off. We were sitting on a row of 3 seats. A male passenger was trying to locate a seat with more space n as I had more leg room he asked if anyone else was sitting with me. I said no. He then asked if he could sit down n as he was saying this he looked down n said forget it n walked away from us very quickly. Think the sight of me feeding my lo scared him half to death.

Friends came for dinner, I was feeding my very curious 10 w old at the,table, when my son came off for a look around and to join in the discussion, just,as my very strong let down happened, a shower of breast milk over the table and in my friend and her daughters dinner, they forgave me but havnt been for dinner since, puts the time my dinner guest stepped in my toddlers wee un bare feet in perspective.

my soon to be 3yr old thinks baby sister gets milk from my elbow! Quite often he’ll suck my elbow saying milk. He sees his 9 month old sister feed several times a day but still thinks elbow is where its happening!

When I bf my little one it gets his system ermmm goin shall we say…he pumps like a grown man!…not little cute bottom burps I mean full blown well errr farts!!!…had a few strange judgemental looks off people hahaaa should get a T-shirt sayin “it was the baby,honest” if he wasn’t mine I wouldn’t believe a baby could make that noise,he’s like a little jet engine teeheee

Over Christmas I was breastfeeding my (then) 11 month old and her cousins (aged 3&6) were fascinated, being adopted they couldn’t be breastfed and so have little experience of it. They spent most of our feeds over Christmas being about 2 inches from my boob looking at what was going on. Eventually the 3 year old pipes up “Jay, why is there milk coming out of your tummy” I couldnt help but be slightly offended, I didn’t think my boobs were so saggy it looked like I was feeding Naomi from my tummy!

the latest funny thing happening was my clever nearly five year old who is trying to (be) wean(ed): she knows me well, well enough to know how lazy I am she told me she feels like having a sip of milk and asked me to get her a bottle or at least a glas of warm milk, totally aware that I was going to say something like “I don’t want to get up now/at the moment”. before I could really say something she added “or let me drink from your breast, you’ve got milk anyway!”

My LO was 5 weeks old and had just started smiling. One morning she was feeding and pulled off to smile at me. I was quick enough to get a photo of her lovely little face and promptly texted it to my mum. I was about to put it on Facebook when I spotted something in the bottom corner which stopped me. However, barely 5 minutes later, my sister had been sent it by my mum and posted it on Facebook herself. There for all her friends to see was my beautiful smiling daughter, and my right nipple! I had to get her to remove it, and she hadn’t noticed.

My little one was about 8 months old and I had left her with her grandma with expressed milk, while going to a car show with my partner on the way how I was so full up I had to use my pump to express in the car while partner was driving in the fast lane. After expressing myself enough to relieve myself. I asked my partner to move over to the slow lane so I could thrown it out he said no don’t worry and grabbed hold of it and throw it out. We were driving in front of my partners best friend(future best man) and I looked in the mirror to see him put his windscreen wipes on. We later stopped at a restaurant and as soon as he got out he said ‘that was breast milk wasn’t it’…well it look him weeks to get his windscreen and bonnet free of breastmilk as so fatty acted like an oil. In his speech on our weeding day he choice to tell all he guests that story too!!! X

We use the word “nook” for breastfeeding because when my son first started speaking that’s what he said for milk. This seemed like a great idea until one day he piped up in public “I love nookie!”

I was feeding at a toddler group one day when a small girl came up to me and asked, “Why is he eating your belly?

One of my 3 yr old twins recently has started saying…”mama, I need some boob cause I am so sleepy! So give me some boob, but I won’t go to sleep. I’m just sleepy cause I need some boob”.

When my youngest was born he latched on pretty quickly and camped out there for a while then when he was about 18 hrs old he was taken to the nicu for breathing troubles and not allowed to nurse. Grrrr!!! Once his umbilical lines were removed on day 4 he was allowed to be held. So I sat in the rocking chair and the nurse laid him on my chest. He wiggled down to my boob and started rooting about and latched on as soon as I took my breast out. The nurse was surprised and impressed that he was such a good nurser after not getting to for several days. When he was done he propped his chin on his crossed arms on my chest and i started to rub his hair. He instantly cracked a smile and all of his stats went to normal and stayed that way until placed back in his bed. He’s 13 mo now and a champ at the boob.

My 2.5yr old has a habit of calling my boobs milk1 and milk2 when I’m feeding my 9mth old and likes to say he gets his milk from my belly. I really really hope they’re not that saggy xxxx

I was feeding my 8 week old in the park in the summer and i noticed my 3 year old was up to no good so i popped baby over my shoulder and walked over to the other side of the park to see him, it wasn’t until i got back over to my mummy friends that someone pointed out that id forgotten to put my boob away

When the tiny person was about 4months old I was just getting used to nursing in public. We’d ventured into the city, him snug against my chest in him wrap. He woke as I was waiting for the bus home so I whipped out my boob and he happily started sucking away. It was a moment of pride that I’d done it so subtly that nobody had noticed (timid new mum and all that!) So we got on the bus and a business man sits next to me, still not noticing. Half way through our journey he strikes up a conversation saying how sweet baby is, still not noticing! Seconds afterwards little one pulls off my boob, my milk squirted full force in 5 directions hitting the man in the face and on his nice black suit lol As if to confirm my tiny baby did the loudest burp and the whole bus stared at us. I just burst into laughter at all the horrified and shocked faces. I still laugh about it today and have never been nervous about public nursing since x

Me and my partner were visiting friends who have a 2 year old girl who was very keen to show me her very first big girl bed but i was sitting feeding my then 8 week old and told her she would have to wait till i finished but she replied with “It ok she dink from daddy milk” so i asked her where the milk would come out and she replied with “from his moobies silly” oh dear she really didn’t understand when all the adults started laughing poor thing

At a family weekend away with the outlaws, my 2.5 year old son was fascinated with his new baby cousin having mummy milky. In front of the family (which included my 72 year old father-out-law) my son sat as good as good next to his Aunt, lifted up his own t-shirt and proceeded to ‘breastfeed’ his bunny complete with realistic ‘smacking’ noises! Nobody said he shouldn’t, or couldn’t, and it was seen as a natural extension of child’s play. My partner said later he was proud his son was so loving. ) x

This is my funny thing which also shows how descreet bfing is! I was at hospital to see my uncle and popped outside his room to feed in the waiting area there were a few other people sitting and I started feeding while talking to a couple, a family came out, my daughter was around 2mnths old but had a full head of jet black hair (always commented on!) And a older woman went oh my look at all that hair on such a little baby and came closer to look there was a young guy with they maybe early 20′s who came over to look hadn’t noticed I was feeding looked down got a shock and went OH Oh errr turned too fast and walked right into a wall! I nearly wet myself! X

yesterday my little boy, 20 months, was stood in front of me whilst I was getting ready for bed. He started tapping my breasts and trying to latch, so I latched him on whilst he stood in front of me whilst he carried on playing ‘bongos’ on my boobs lol. It was quite funny.

While feeding my 3rd daughter in a coffee shop my 2 year old shouted ‘mummy put your boobies away now’ needless to say everybody looked I was so embarrassed