Comforting your baby with your breast – Analytical Armadillo

Baby is using you as a dummy – it’s just for comfort!

Perhaps the most frequently uttered words on parenting forums and groups worldwide and every time I just want to shout “yes a baby getting comfort from it’s mother – perish the thought, quick ring a baby tamer – otherwise they will be breastfeeding at fifteen and co-sleeping into their twenties!”

What is the big problem in our culture with young infants being dependent on their mother?  I know at the moment there are big social pressures to leave the baby ASAP and reclaim independence, but they are so teeny and dependent for such a short time.  Believe it or not very quickly it’s over and baby is busy exploring the world, too busy to want to spend hours with mum, and the time when mum can meet every need with just her body is gone forever.

Non nutritive sucking (or “just for comfort”) is the fluttery sucking that happens at the end of a breastfeed, when the rhythmic swallow pattern has ceased.  It is hugely important to a baby on many levels: neurologically, psychologically and physically - so much so that if a baby is bottle feeding, they should have access to a clean finger or pacifier.  But lets really look at what that is – it’s an artificial nipple, a copy, a substitute for the real thing; even the name “dummy” tells you exactly what it is.  When baby refuses it in favour of their mothers breast, the real thing, should we really be surprised?   If someone wants to use a dummy, and is aware of all the implications (which I will come onto in a moment) - that’s absolutely their choice, but we have gone far beyond that, to where a mother nurturing her infant is no longer desirable or even normal, instead the idea panics many - mum is told “bad habits” will form, or he will never sleep, or whatever other fantastic myth someone has decided to attribute to it – ah yes he was a late potty trainer, well that’s because you breastfed on demand – rod for your own back.

It starts at birth, because babies biological instincts are such a contrast to what our society now deems acceptable, to our cultural norms.  Human infants are only born with 25% of their developed brain; the other 75% develops after birth - experts believe this is due to increased brain size which has forced earlier delivery to enable baby to fit.  Some now feel the first few months out of the womb, are actually a fourth stage of gestation – baby should still be attached to mum but externally. As a consequence of this immaturity, the human infant is forced to rely on external support, especially during the first 6-12 months of life (McKenna) They are programmed to be near mum, feed little and often, and frequently cry when they are put down away from her.  To to combat this, instead of responding to baby (or “give in” as some claim),  mums are told to give a “lovey” or comfort blanket so that baby can smell you when not with them, or take security in an item.  I was once told this concept originated from orphans who had no mothers – I’ve no idea if it’s true but really, is it healthy for a child to be securely attached to a piece of cloth rather than a human?  doesn’t matter if mum is here, as long as I have my lovey and we see children carrying these round at 4/5 years old!  In cultures and social circles where mum keeps baby close and feeds on demand (not schedule feeding purely for nutrition) - having a security item is beyond rare.  Has anyone studied the psychological impact outcome long term of “loveys”?

Perhaps some get wary as they see toddlers right through to school age children wandering round the supermarket, attempting speech through a plastic plug and think of the horror if they were expecting this from a breast.  But the reality is that whereas pacifiers are habit forming, a baby gradually cuts down their feeding as they develop – sure some toddlers will have phases of manic feeding, often tied in with a big change such as starting nursery, house move or mum returning to work, it’s still a big reassurance and comfort to them; but the big need to non nutritive suck diminishes dramatically after the first six months which ties in with introducing solids.

Comforting your baby with the breast and meeting all their needs will not make them clingy, dependent, unsociable, needy, non sleepers – or anything else that gets sold as a pitfall – this is what baby is born biologically expecting.  In fact overwhelming evidence shows that the better we meet an infants needs, the more confident, independent and sociable the young child becomes.  But if you think about it that makes perfect sense in terms of human nature – the more secure we feel, the more confident.  Pushing independence and forced separation actually has the opposite result of making the recipient “cling on”, searching for reassurance.

http://analyticalarmadillo.blogspot.com/2010/09/baby-is-using-you-as-dummy-its-just-for.html