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By Lisa Lactivist, on July 9th, 2008
Ugh, 8 days after the amnio and I am having kittens every time the phone rings as I am expecting the hospital to call me with the results. I am trying to reassure myself that it had nice long legs on the scan and that short legs are a downs syndrome thing but I am basically a very worried woman.
Basically I am a mess every time the phone rings. I have been looking up ultrasound indicators of Downs Syndrome and my foetus had none of them so I should be reassured but as my middle sister was a one in thousands chance of being Downs I just don’t trust statistics.
I have even looked up abortion information as I want to know what I might put myself through. I think I am being depressed in advance so as to prepare myself for the worse. If I wasn’t pregnant I’d just go out and get drunk and forget about it, I am making marmalade instead and it just doesn’t take my mind off it.
By Lisa Lactivist, on July 9th, 2008
I had an amniocentesis this morning and this is what happened: I lay on a couch and exposed my expanding stomach so the consultant could scan the foetus and take some measurements (all normal). My boyfriend came to hold my hand and we had a great view of bones and skull and he heart pumping away etc. It’s moving around like a mad thing and jumps when I laugh.
The consultant and midwife put on sterile gloves and wiped my stomach with disinfectant before putting the needle in. This happens with the scan still on so they can chose the best place to go in. The needle was uncomfortable – like giving blood but didn’t hurt. The consultant started to wiggle it around and got about an inch in but the uterus contracted and the foetus moved. Apparently this is fine and normal, but it was weird for me ‘cos it felt like period pain and it has been a long time since I had a period. I asked if they used longer needles for fat people and there was a brief silence until the consultant asked for a bigger needle and went in from the other side that’ll teach me. This was like a dull ache until he warned me that there would be a jab and that I must not flinch – this hurt when it went through the uterus, but not so much that I moved at all. The needle goes in first and then pulls back to reveal a blunt tube so as soon as it is through it is safe if the foetus.
Afterwards I went to the loo and then sat down for 5 minutes and had a cup of tea. The midwife told me that the results would take a couple of weeks and told me to call if I had any leaking of fluid or bleeding from the vagina. She said I could take paracetamol for cramp if I had any and that it was normal if I did. Also, bad news – no sex for 2 weeks as orgasm can make the uterus contract.
It’s now midday and I had this done at 9.30. It feels uncomfortable – like a bruise, but definitely not like cramp. I feel like someone has rummaged around inside me.
It’s now 9pm and my tummy still feels a bit disturbed but not anything near pain that would need a paracetamol.
Its’ now 24hrs since the amnio and I feel ok, a bit twingy but my stomach has gone back to its old flabby self and doesn’t feel as stiff as it did yesterday. I slept really well last night with happy dreams. I am not sure if the twinges are the uterus being tetchy or the foetus moving, but it is no where near painful – its just that I am conscious of it. No bleeding or fluid discharge either so it feels like its all going to be ok.
By Lisa Lactivist, on July 9th, 2008
For the first time in my life I am getting constipation. I have forgotten what period pain feels like so I am worried that I am feeling cramps and it is nothing to do with constipation. I have a rough idea where my uterus is and the pain is sort of at the top of it and behind it. However magic bran flakes from LIDL sort me out and I am back to normal within days.
By Lisa Lactivist, on July 9th, 2008
All of a sudden I look really pregnant! I’m sure I didn’t eat that much Xmas pudding.
I was hoping to be able to get some work in the 2nd trimester but I am still exhausted. I went for an interview today at 10am (didn’t get the job) got home at 1 and had to go straight to bed ‘cos I could hardly stand up. I am hardly burning the candle at both ends, I am eating well and getting gentle exercise. I was relying on being able to work for a few months for the money, and I am wondering if I could get incapacity benefit or something ‘cos I really can’t see myself having the energy to do a full days work. I decide to give it a couple of weeks and see how I feel.
By Lisa Lactivist, on July 9th, 2008
This week I cancel the Chorionic Villus Sampling after researching it in depth. It has only been used for about 25 years so I worry about the long term effects of having a bit of your placenta taken out when you are forming. Also, it seems that less people are trained to do a CVS and the risk factors are very dependent on the person who carries out the procedure. The hospital won’t tell me individual rates for each doctor, just an overall 2% risk for the hospital itself. Then I start to get really bad feelings about the whole thing. If I have to have an abortion because something is wrong with the foetus it’s going to be awful no matter when it happens, but better to have it later and cause more trauma to myself than to live with the potential of miscarrying something that is perfectly healthy. I decide to sleep on it and see if any revelations come to me in the night and I get woken up by a drunk yelling ‘no, no, no’. I take that as a sign.
By Lisa Lactivist, on July 9th, 2008
The nausea has vanished and I have a life back hooray! It’s such an enormous relief to get through the first 12 weeks ok but I keep waking up at night thinking ‘s**t, I’m pregnant, oh s**t, I don’t like babies’
Next trauma for me is a CVS next week, I don’t think pregnancy is for people who worry 
By Lisa Lactivist, on July 9th, 2008
I feel an awful lot better than I did a couple of weeks ago.
It really did feel like the morning sickness was never going to end but last week the dizziness went and I haven’t been sick for days now. I realise it may come back but I am sure I am over the worse of it now.
We went out for a friends birthday meal and the restaurant owner gave me a tiny portion of a starter I fancied, a lovely banana smoothy and wouldn’t accept any money for it ‘cos I ‘hadn’t had a meal’.
By Lisa Lactivist, on July 9th, 2008
I went to chat to the consultant today about tests for downs taking boyfriend with me as back up brain.. Untested, my risk of having a downs baby are 1:365. The choices I have are:
- Nuchal scan and blood test combined (OSCAR) at 10 weeks (not free on NHS so costing £170) – this will give me an assessment of the risk that the foetus has downs but is not conclusive and results can be misleading (10% error rate)
- Blood test at 15 weeks – same as OSCAR but 70% effective at picking up downs
- CVS at 11+ weeks – carries 1% risk of miscarriage but the results are definate – results back in 3 days for initial assessment then a wait of a week for the confirmed results, also there is some documentation about foetal deformities if done badly.
- Amnio at 17+ weeks – carries a 1% risk of M/C and results take 3 weeks.
My original thinking is to go for the blood test and think about a CVS depending on the results, but when I find out that the blood test is not that accurate I opt straight for the CVS, I need to know conclusively if it is ok.
I have booked in for a CVS on week 13 – 3 weeks away. I decided that I needed definite results as I would terminate if it had downs (sorry if that offends anyone but I have a downs syndrome sister so have close experience of downs kids). The nuchal scan and the blood test seem a bit non conclusive for me.
I have met the consultant who will do the deed but the hospital will not give out figures for each doctor, they say that overall they have a 1% risk of M/C.
My test for diabetes came back negative and the consultant said that excessive thirst is perfectly normal for pregnant women – she also said something about us having more blood in our bodies but I can’t remember the details. Still wish that I could get through the night without having a drink of water as its knock on effect is that I wake up again to wee it out. Joy!
By Lisa Lactivist, on July 9th, 2008
The first midwifes appointment. She asked lots of questions about my medical history but didn’t actually check to see that the foetus is alive, they seem happy that I am feeling sick, have sore breasts and am drinking gallons of water. I wake up 2 or 3 times a night because I am thirsty and I feel pretty dehydrated all the time. My blood and wee have been sent off for diabetes tests as there is a lot of it in my family.
By Lisa Lactivist, on July 9th, 2008
My current list of evil foodstuffs to be banished are:
- onions
- fried food
- oranges
- tumeric
- rice
I am just starting to feel a bit better. The only thing that really works for me is keeping my head really still, moving slowly and not trying to do anything much. Sleeping with my head raised up seems to help too.
I tried:
- ginger – 1 teaspoon grated into hot water, didn’t work
- crystallised ginger – didn’t work
- peppermint – a few leaves in hot water, didn’t work
- travel bands – elastic things that you wear on your wrists that apply pressure to a point supposed to stop nausea – didn’t work but hurt slightly, thus taking my mind off things.
- dry toast/crackers etc – no use
The only thing that worked for me was banana smoothies – made with banana and live yoghurt and cardamom, apparently the vitamin B12 in the yoghurt is good for nausea and I am still drinking these for breakfast as they are easy to keep down. I find that I need to eat a large breakfast as soon as I get up or I feel rough. Sugary things like cake and biscuits stay down too.
I have been better since I have been taking pregnancy multivitamins, I don’t know if this is to do with the stage I am at or the vitamins but I read that magnesium and zinc are good for sickness. And lastly, my lovely shiatsu lady suggested applying pressure to the top of the head and just below the sternum (not at the same time!) as ways to stop feeling nauseous.
This is probably nothing to worry about, I have no signs of MC – no cramps no bleeding no nothing, I feel nauseous most of the time and dizzy often so all the signs point to things going well. Trouble is that now I have all this time on my hands I have started to think and my thoughts lead to….Is it possible to MC without any symptoms?
By Lisa Lactivist, on July 9th, 2008
I was up most of last night thinking that I wouldn’t have wanted to be pregnant if I knew what it was like. I even had bouts of thinking that I wished I wasn’t. I feel terrible for thinking like this, I was so lucky to get pregnant anyway, and I am even luckier to have a boyfriend that is the most supportive person in the world and very happy about it. I think that if I miscarry now it is all my fault for ill wishing it. Its now late afternoon and I feel much happier about the whole thing, but as a professional worrier I am worried about everything – the health of the baby, ectopic pregnancy, droopy breasts…..
I feel like a spoilt brat.
All day morning sickness, that’s what is making me miserable, depressed even. I haven’t been out of the house for 4 days, can bearly make it out of bed and can only do things that don’t involve changing the level of my head, anything else makes me dizzy. I want to be sick but I think the food I am eating is absorbing so quickly that nothing comes up. I am stroppy and just want to be on my own. I am also bored silly ‘cos there is nothing I can do without making my self feel ill apart from read or play on the computer. I am worried that if this goes on much longer I will resent the baby, its starting to make me think things like -’I don’t even like kids’, ‘what about my freedom’, ‘I can’t afford this’…..I wish my head would just shut up.
I can cope with weeing all the time and being a bit picky about food, but when my sense of smell makes me unable to kiss my boyfriend, it’s awful. I know I don’t appreciate how lucky I am.
Well, I cycled retching into town to get these expensive wristband things for sea sickness. (7 quid!) Thinking where can I puke if I really need to, how embarrassing, people are going to think I am drunk etc… They are a stretchy bit of fabric with a plastic bump that you fit 3 fingers widths down from the crease on each wrist. I had a strange urge for a cheeseburger (I am normally vegan!) then I cycled home and felt slightly better. Now this could be the healing power of a random meat burger or the wristbands may actually work. I hope so, cos the morning sickness has really got me down.
By Lisa Lactivist, on July 9th, 2008
I panicked and went to the doctor about abdominal pains and got referred the next day to the early pregnancy unit at the hospital, very efficient! So today I went for my first scan, she tried from the outside but couldn’t see anything so she went for the internal, slightly uncomfortable but otherwise fine. I got to see 6mm of a bean shaped thing, with a heartbeat! Funny but it doesn’t make it seem any more real.
All is fine with it, abdominal pains have been put down to hormones and stretching ligaments, and I have to go back to the doctor if I spot or the pain gets worse. It’s nice to know it is just me being neurotic and not anything actually wrong. So it’s good that all is well, but bad that it is another 6 weeks until it is out of the worst of the miscarriage risk, potentially another 6 weeks of nausea, and I have absolutely no excuse to be this fat!
Last night I couldn’t sleep because I felt so sick. I have tried eating before I go to sleep, peppermint and ginger tea, pressing my wrists, throwing up…. ugh Why are we so badly designed? If it was anything other than pregnancy that was making me feel this bad I would go straight to the doctor for some heavy duty drugs to make it stop.
By Lisa Lactivist, on July 9th, 2008
I am in a ‘mine is the only pregnancy in the world’ space I think! Hope I grow out of that mind set soon. The midwife won’t see me until nearer week 12, so I am worried that all is going well.
My breasts are less sore, I am really tired and I am kept awake with nausea but I am not being sick (I’m not the sick type anyway) and the period pain type sensations are on and off. If I prod around my tummy I can’t tell any difference but there is a hard point under the fat, it might just be a bit of cake though!
Mid week, constant nausea starts, day and night, it’s a bit better if I drink lots of water so I have something to puke, my normally healthy vegan diet takes a turn for the worse and I survive on burgers and chips. The whole morning sickness thing is incredibly depressing and I feel guilty ‘cos I should be happy that I am pregnant. I keep calling my mother to tell her that I can’t do this, she does the proper mother thing and says reassuring things.
By Lisa Lactivist, on July 9th, 2008
I decide that my job is just too much for me so I hand in my notice. I have become increasingly exhausted and a bit scatty minded. Then, my period is 5 days late and I am never late. I have sore breasts, and I never have sore breasts. I am really tired and I am weeing a lot. I put off going to the clinic for a pregnancy test as I am sure that it can’t be possible. Eventually my flatmate hands me a test kit and shoves me into the bathroom. It comes out with a blue line that appears really quickly. I shake in the loo thinking ‘s**t, s**t, was this such a good idea, oh god this is for real’. My boyfriend continues to play the guitar and is unfazed by it all! He has been suggesting that I was pregnant for days. I phone my mother to get it over with and she doesn’t believe me, ‘but I really am pregnant’!
Later this week I am still in denial and have to buy another test to make sure that I really am pregnant and not having a phantom. I still get a blue line, so I do another test just in case – blue line again. I start to get cramps, a bit like period pain but not quite, they are very difficult to describe and very worrying.
By Lisa Lactivist, on July 9th, 2008
After years of actively disliking children (I used to teach them!) and being rather terrified of babies, my hormones betray me. My womb twitches when I see a pushchair or a pregnant woman and I persuade my lovely boyfriend that having a child would be a good idea. I’d be able to give up work, have huge breasts, an excuse to be fat and at the end of it – a baby!
After extensive research I decide that my chances of getting pregnant as a 35yr old woman are pretty remote so even though we give up contraception I am sure it won’t be easy, it could take years and I just forget about it and 2 months later I started writing this diary.
If you have a diary or birth story you’d like me to link to please mail me.
Here is Claire’s lovely witty pregnancy diary and her near miss c-section birth story.
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